“If I say a woman is 58, men think she’s sitting in a rocking chair, knitting,” Feinstein says. “When you say 55, they associate it with an old lady. It’s just not true.” Similarly, women are likely to regard men in their age bracket as couch potatoes.
She’s also parlayed these dating adventures and misadventures into a script for an as-yet-unproduced play, “Single Again and Hating It
Michael Lasky, coauthor of “Online Dating for Dummies,” calculates that in terms of social experience, a generation is about seven years.
After that, a couple’s tastes in music, food, and entertainment, along with their points of reference, vary widely. “Once you start going beyond 10 years, you are adding one more complication to the challenge of mating,” he says.
When those in their mid-50s and beyond were dating the first time around, the biggest romantic question was whether to kiss on the first date
Beyond the question of age, many midlife daters must confront that dreaded word “baggage,” a reference to spouses and offspring from previous relationships. Speaking of “the children situation,” Alpert says, “I’ve met men with 6-year-olds and men with 39-year-olds, men who are single who still want kids, and twice-divorced men with two sets of kids. If they’ve still got young kids or teenagers, they want someone who’s OK with that lifestyle. I’ve paid my dues with teenagers.”
“They just don’t know where to turn, especially if their friends are still married,” says Kenny, who runs the over-50 matchmaking service.
“They don’t know what to wear, how to act on a date, or who pays for the bill.” About 70 percent of her male clients pay on the first date.
Wheeler, who usually takes a first date to dinner in a restaurant, finds that some women like a man to pick up the check, while others prefer to split it. “Some people say that if she pays her own way, she doesn’t like you,” he notes wryly.
“That was when it was easy, right?” Kenny says with a laugh. She urges clients to get to really know a date before becoming romantically involved.
my Cahn wrote, “Love is lovelier the second time around,” singles didn’t need such 21st-century skills as writing personal ads or cruising Web sites, where some date-seekers practice what Lasky calls “age deflation, weight deflation and picture fraud.” Translation: They lie about their age and weight, and post fuzzy or outdated photos.
Alpert tells her own blurry-picture stories: “One guy, when I met him, had a very cheap toupee. Nothing turns me off more than a toupee. Another one was much heavier, and his hair was dyed.”
Group events offer a low-key way to meet, without the awkwardness of a date. “Find out what makes you happy,” she says. “When you’re dating, you can look for someone who complements those things.”
However couples meet, dates who get too serious too fast rank among the top complaints of single men and women in their 50s, according to the AARP survey.
For a woman interested in dating, Professor Valentis says, the challenge is to like herself at any age and accept her evolution as a person.
“That doesn’t mean neglecting her looks,” she notes. “Good looks in mid-life come from a sense of self-confidence, self-love, energy, and humor. Diane Keaton was so appealing because she was not shallow. She had depth, confidence, and was very strong.”
Despite the challenges, midlife dating can have rewards. Calvo, the author of “25 Words or Less,” a guide to writing personal como o homem casado mais velho pode ter jovem mulher ads, finds that as an empty nester, she can be more serious about a relationship because she has more time to devote to it.